Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Tangled Up In Blue

Today was not an easy day.  I guess we're all bound to have them.  Seems the emotions were running freely with my tears and nose.  Yesterday we started some family counseling, after much urging from our 15 year old.  At the time it felt like such a relief to be putting time aside to put it all on the table.  But, today, well, I'm feeling just a little overwhelmned, just a little tender.  You see, all I ever really wanted in life was a family of my own.  I have such great memories of growing up with 3 older sisters and 2 very active and engaging parents.  Summer trips to our family cabin, holidays shared with relatives, pets, hikes outdoors, and ski vacations.  Who wouldn't want that?

So the idea that what we've attempted to create, with all the required striving and sacrafice, is no good?  That's it's broken?  Somehow that just breaks my heart, you know?  I wish I had my daughter's perspective. She's able to look forward to where we'll end up.  She doesn't get caught up in what happened, what was said.  I admire that.  Now if I can only live it.  See what I mean when I say she is one of my teachers?

Buckets of rain
Buckets of tears
Got all them buckets coming out of my ears
Buckets of moonbeams in my hand
You got all the love honey baby
I can stand. Bob Dylan

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